In my current line of work, I deal with a lot of "women's groups", and am often the only male in attendance.  I don't know if you have spent much time near groups of females, but the conversation often turns to "plumbing problems".

Now when guys talk about plumbing problems, it's usually about "sweating joints" or "threading the iron pipe" or "plunging for 20 minutes"  or "snaking out the line".  None of which are as interesting as they sound.

When women talk about plumbing problems, they are talking a little closer to home.  THEIR plumbing.  And the conversations usually devolve to horror stories involving childbirth.

This morning, I figured out how to trump their "greatest pain ever" stuff.

I told them that I had heard that a man getting kicked in the testicles experiences far more pain than a woman giving birth.  And a proof, I said that a couple years after getting kicked in the nuts, he will NEVER tell his wife "You know dear, I think you should kick me in the balls again..."

Earl

An Epiphany

I have come to a realization about myself.  I am a straight, heterosexual male (no, that is not the epiphany).  I have realized that I am not ambivalent about gay marriage.  I am actively PRO gay marriage.

My reasoning is thus-

Every time you see a male couple going down the street in a committed relationship, that means there are two females that are now available.  I see no down side to that, personally.

And with the female homosexuals/lesbians...  really, what straight man doesn't think that's kinda hot?

Earl

Change the Names to Protect the Innocent

I have heard that the NFL is contemplating name changes away from native American based monickers to keep from offending anyone.

Might I suggest changing the Washington DC team name from the Redskins to the Foreskins.

Who cares if any of the dickheads in that town are offended.

Earl

In the News

So, Archbishop Andre-Joseph Leonard was attacked in Europe by four gay, topless women yesterday who poured water on him.

The news reports make this sound like a bad thing to have happen to you.

As a straight male, I have to disagree.

My inner adolescent thinks  it sounds like a pretty good gig (except for the whole celibate thing).

Earl

Papers Please

I was thinking about background checks for gun ownership.  It troubles me, but I can see their point.  You don't necessarily want criminals or crazys running around armed.  It's just asking for trouble.  But what a pain in the rear to have to get a new background check every time you want to by a gun (or some ammo...). 

Perhaps they should issue a card.  We could call it a Citizen In Good Standing card. "CIGS" card for short.

You could go into a gunshop, flash your card and pay for your gun.  No fuss- no muss.  Easy peasy.

Get in trouble with the law, loose your card.  Period.  No more guns for you, bad boy.

But why stop there?  We could require a card for ALL constitutionally guaranteed rights! 
Do we really want crazy criminals running around unchecked and doing ANYTHING important?

Want to vote?  Flash your "CIGS" card at the polls.
Want to go to your church/mosque/temple? "CIGS" card at the door, please.
Suffrage? If you can show your card and we'll treat you like a person.
Search and seizure?  Got a card and we'll get a warrant first.
Due process?  Trial by jury of your peers?  Counsel?  Show your get out of jail with fee card.
Freedom of speech?  Freedom of the press?  Citizens in good standing only, please.
(Maybe an IQ test should also be required for a press card.  Nah, that would kill talk radio...)

 Requiring a background check/card would anger the right/left/moderates totally and equally.  That makes it the ideal compromise.

We would be one step closer to the "Show me your papers" society our parents and grand parents fought against in WW2 as envisioned and implemented by the Nazis.

A safe society indeed. Citizens in good standing only may complain.

Earl

Too Damn Soon

The past couple of days the web has been abuzz with conspiracy theories about the guv'ment being responsible for the Boston bombing.

I ask,"To what end?"

This evening I may have figured it out.  Someone in the FBI or maybe the State Department is a "barefoot running" advocate.  It is a cinch that now the Dept of Homeland Security will require runners to take their shoes off before running the Boston Marathon next year.

The tinfoil hat brigade may be on to something this time...


Earl

My deepest sympathies to all effected by the bombing.

My Thoughts

Why all this talk on banning guns? Why not just ban crime?

 If crime is outlawed, then only outlaws will commit crimes.

Bad things only happen to good people.  With bad people, it's called justice.

Only the good die young.  With the bad, it's just "about damn time".

Earl

Ran across this some time ago...

The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
He could lead if he would get the lead out.
The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
I did not object to the object.
The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
They were too close to the door to close it.
The buck does funny things when the does are present.
A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
After a number of injections my jaw got number.
Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?


There is something TRULY wrong with the Brits.

Earl

Election Time

Seems to me that politicians and baby's diapers have a lot in common.  They should BOTH be changed frequently.

And for the same reason.

Earl

General Rudeness

Sometimes, Hallmark doesn't quite say it.

Earl