Short? HA!

Thirty days has September, April June and November.  All the rest have thirty one except February that is about 400 days long and it's fuckin snowing again.  Enough already.
Earl

Do you suppose if we quit voting, they would just go away?
Earl

The People You Meet

Half of the people you talk to each day are below average, unless you have a radio talk show. Then the IQ's really tank.
Earl

BFF

I have a friend that just got a law degree and will soon be a lawyer.
I wondered, "Can I still be friends with this person?"
Then I remembered, dogs are a man's BEST friend.

Earl

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)

Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO). 100% of people exposed to Dihydrogen Monoxide have died since the use of this substance began. Following are some risks associated with DHMO:

Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.

Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.

Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.

DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
Contributes to soil erosion.

Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.

Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.

Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.

Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.

Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.

Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.

Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.
PU

Remember?

Back in the 60's, then president "LBJ" managed to get us heavily involved in the conflict in Vietnam. An un-winnable quagmire. Fourty years later then president "W" managed to get us into a conflict in Iraq. Another un-winnable quagmire.

These damn Texan politicians don't want to remember the Alamo, they want to reenact it.

Earl

Short fairy tales

FOR HER
A beautiful princess happened upon a frog in a pond. The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and I will turn back into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom where you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and forever feel lucky for doing so." That night as the princess had frogs legs for dinner, she thought "I don't fucking think so".


FOR HIM
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?'
The girl said, 'NO!'
And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went
fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons
of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
The end

PU

A little about sex

"Sex" is not the answer.


"Sex" is the question.


"Yes" is the answer.

PU

Bumper Stickers (B.S?)

Some bumper stickers I have seen and love, but can't put on my car.

Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
Constipated People Don't Give A Shit.
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
You! Out Of The Gene Pool!
Guys: No Shirt, No Service - Gals: No Shirt, No Charge
Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Some people are alive only because it is illegal to shoot them
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious .
I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
I majored in liberal arts. Would you like fries with that?

PU

noydbyah

NoneOfYourDamnBusinessYouAssHole (in case you were wondering).