Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Feeding My Inner Geek

There are only 10 types of people in the world.  Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

The Wind

This morning , while listening to my wife talk, I realized I hear "the wind beneath my wings"  Sound's great.

Eating a meal with another couple and  listening to his wife talking, I heard "the sand in my scrambled eggs".  Sounds grate.

Her husband seemed happy enough, though.  Different yolks for different folks, I guess.

(Not that I always want wind beneath my wings... makes it hard to land and just hang out.)


Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Do It Now!

Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?

Here's an incredibly simple way to do it, and there is nothing to buy, no investment to make, no money to lose!

Using only the computer you have now and from your own home!

Try it!

Follow this simple procedure:

1. Hold down the shift key.
2. Hit the 4 key four times.

Email me for info on how to make a payment to my paypal account!

Monday, March 15, 2010

Religion Happens

  Theology a la carte.  Take your pick.

Taoism ----- shit happens

Hare Krishna ----- shit happens; Rama Lama Ding-Dong

Hinduism ----- This shit happened before

Islam ----- if shit happens, take a hostage

Zen ----- What is the sound of shit happening?

Buddhism ----- When shit happens is it really shit?

Confucianism ----- Confucius says, “shit happens”

7th Day Adventist ----- shit happens on Saturdays

Protestantism ----- shit won’t happen if I work harder.

Catholicism ----- if shit happens I deserve it.

Jehovah’s Witness ----- knock, knock, “shit happens.”

Unitarian ----- what is this shit

Mormon ----- shit happens, again, and again, and again…

Judaism ----- why does this shit always happen to me.
Judaism #2----- shit wouldn't happen if you would just listen to your mother.

Rastafarianism ----- this is good shit.

Seen this before.  Still makes me smile.

Saturday, March 13, 2010

We're Number One!

Got this in a email from a friend. 

To nice to not share.

........('(...´...´.... ¯~/'...')
..........\...\.......... _.·´

Have a nice day.

Friday, March 12, 2010


Change.  Let me check.  Yup, still have some.  I'll be damned.  I'm always surprised when a politician keeps a promise.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Name in vain

A bishop and two priests walked into a bar.  Nope, not a joke. My bar, a couple months back.  Had the perfect opportunity to ask a theological question that has been eating away at me for years.

 Which comes closer to breaking one of the commandments.  Exclaiming "Oh Hell!" or "Good Heavens!"  Didn't ever get around to asking them, so I guess I'll just stick to my old standbys... bodily functions.  Kiss my mucus membranes, you phlegm hole.


Monday, March 8, 2010

Ya Feel'n Lucky?

  I had heard it was good luck to hang one above your door, so the search was on.

They are not as easy to find as you might think, and prying them off their owners can be a challenge.

  But the way things are going, I had to make the attempt.

 Got'em!  Mounted one above the door and displayed it with pride.


 Then I'm told  "Horse" Shoes.    NO SHIT?!?  "HORSE" SHOES?!?   Man, those would have been a LOT easier to get hold of.  They just fall off, and you can pick them up and nobody chases you down back alleyways screaming obscenities, yelling about "fetishes" and demanding extra cash.


But really guys, which one makes YOU feel lucky?


Sunday, March 7, 2010

Job Rankings

Seems to me a reasonable test to determine the importance of an individual's job would be to see the effect it would have on people if he were to have a heart attack and stop doing his job.  Any bus driver should be paid FAR more than any CEO.

Friday, March 5, 2010

Baghdad Nights

Saddam Hussein was hung (hanged? Shit, I forget) for "policy decisions" that killed 148 Iraqi civilians. President George W. Bush should avoid vacationing in Baghdad.  President Obama should give it a second thought, too.


Thursday, March 4, 2010

Truck tail

 I was in a parking lot pulling into a gas station to fuel up my truck yesterday.  Damn thing turns like a truck, so I bumped a curb.   I stopped at the curb and put it in reverse to back up away from the curb.  CRUNCH!!! And a small shudder ran through the truck.  Shit, and my foot was still on the brake, I hadn't moved.  I got out and saw I was still up against the curb.    The guy that hit me climbed out of his car and asked  "What happened? Did you back into me?  I was messing with my phone and didn't see what happened."
  " I was messing with my phone and didn't see what happened"

Fortunately I have a horrible trailer hitch welded onto the back of my 1 ton flatbed that totally fucked up his headlight/bumper/grill/fender and I didn't even loose any paint.  I told him  "No damage to me buddy, it's your call.  Cops or no cops".   He drove away, a prime candidate for natural de-selection.


That was a $1000 phone call, buddy.  Hope she was worth it.
Hang up and drive.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Ford ad

Hear thee this.

I have witnessed for my Ford for all of my adult life, converting many followers of what I felt were the lesser trucks of Dodge and Chevy.  NEVER MORE!  I REPENT!  I AM HEALED! NEVER AGAIN SHALL I FORD MYSELF!

My tale is this-

A man I have spoken with for many years would never hear my words, even with great and long presusave arguments on my part, and continued to follow the Truck Of Chevy,  Of late he had a 2004 one ton.  Year last, it was touched by injector demons and was on it's bed of death when Chevy spoke and said "No way a diesel should die after 140,000 miles" and it was touched by the Chevy priests and became whole!  "No charge" they spoke "We have seen that you are a good and faithful follower, and we have extended your warranty to 200,000 miles as no diesel should last less".  A fortnight later mine Ford didth crap out. Demons in the injectors, in the fuel distributor, in the oil cooler, in the fuel pump, in the... .   The Ford priests did tell me "Yer truck's got 140,000 mile on it.  Yer warranty's up".

My Ford!  Why hast thou forsaken me?

Over the next 12 month, I was caused to tithe 10% of my company's GROSS income to Ford to have my truck resurrected, with many trips to the temple.  I called the high priests at Deerborn to seek scuore, saying "No way a diesel should die after 140,000 miles", but they spake thus "You should have bought the extended warranty".  Nay... I should have bought a Chevy.

That being said, here is your chance to "Learn The Hard Way"!  I will sell you a 2004 F350 with a 6.0 diesel for $32000 (I need that much to pay off my loan to get it running and have enough left over to buy a used Dodge or Chevy one ton). The truck is GREAT, but that 6.0 diesel...I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!

Cash only, in advance. No refunds. As is. No Warranty (HA!  Boy, I'll say) 
Have a nice day!

                              (I see they circled the problem)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Ageing Gracefully

Getting old sucks.  Being old REALLY sucks.  But it still beats the alternative...

Monday, March 1, 2010

Wanna kiss a frog?

I'm not sure I understand the new grooming stuff going on with men.  My high school biology teacher claimed
the 3 most notable differences setting mammals apart from other animals were: Three bones in the inner ear,
mammary glands and hair.  Can't say I care so much about ear bones, but I am all about hair and mammaries.  Ladies, if you are after hairless, go to a pet store and get yourself a fish.



How about a trip to the doctor for an orchiectomy.  The resulting loss of testosterone could complete your transformation to looking like a 12 year old.  You're on line.  Google it.